get togethers

a nice little time with some friends can be PERFECT, but only if done properly. i am afraid that i have not done so this night. i made the mistake of inviting two very nice looking young men over to my house while not knowing which one i preferred. no, neither is mr. wonderful, but one greatly resembles him. i feel so fickle! & i haven't the slightest idea why i am this way! i liked the same guy for over seven years, and for the last three, i hadn't even seen him! i kept waiting around for him, & he was three states away and had never even cared about me as anything more than a "schoolfriend". yes-- it sucked. but now i'm literally changing guys every week! mr. wonderful still takes priority though. i felt so horrible! the two that were here tonight were BROTHERS! i hear rooney's "i'm a terrible person, cause i'd led her [him] on" playing over and over again in my head. this is so unlike me! well, i spoke w/mizz dazzle and he said he could see me most with the one who would be leaving in january. second would be mr. wonderful and last is squeaky perfect. he understands where i'm coming from and we've been talking for a good while about it; up until he had to leave about an hour ago. neither of the handsome brothers expected me to be so close to mizz dazzle, but honestly that is what the theatre does to you. you don't mind being close to people; you're expectations change. i cuddled slightly with the soon-to-depart boy, but when I tried to be close to squeaky perfect, he moved away from me. numerous witnesses here tonight claim that he was really nervous and just couldn't sit still. soon-to-leave was extremely comfortable though, which was ironic since squeaky clean was the one who had been over previously. i am so confused right now. do i even know what i want? my mother is once more forcing me in the direction she feels is best, but i honestly feel that the one she prefers me most with, i will never truly be happy with. i really like mr. wonderful and want to get to know him more. sigh, maybe this all will make better since in the morning. perhaps i should just let it run its course. with any luck the brothers will decide amongst themselves tonight what is to happen in the future. never have i had this problem before!
i leave you with the words of the wise willow

"listen to your heart, and you will understand"

~c. major