pleased.

words cannot express how truly pleased I am right now.
I just realized that I totally made the right decision, concerning my past, and in a way, my future.
Not only that, but my lovely friends and people who wish to be more than friends, are making me feel oh so very loved! i'm just chipper!
though i have only had two hours sleep and am working so hard to reduce my restriction time, life is just good right now.
especially with it being christmas season!
much <3

~c. major

confusion

back to school. ew. sometimes i feel that i don't belong there. the people are just so immature, and very few know how to actually dress well! anyways, there is an upside to it all. certain people make it worth your while. though i wish i had more of them...

so i am totally confused right now. even though i can most definitely see myself with mr. wonderful, i don't think it's going to work. he's just too clueless.
as far as soon-to-leave, yes, he is extremely attractive, but, oh gosh... just don't want to go into it.
squeaky clean has been on my mind alot recently though. could i have been mistaken? perhaps i should have stayed with my initial views. back before i knew that mum liked him so much.
that brings me to another point. do i want mr. wonderful for himself or for the freedom and rebellion i can have with him? i really like what i have seen of him so far, but, do i know enough about him to be able to make a decision?

confusion!!!!

teenage drama is so over-rated.
why can't it just disappear?

church

first off, let me state, i love church. i love going to church: seeing the people, worshiping, it's oh so jazzy! but today was very different! squeaky clean was ignoring me, and was twice as nervous as last night! i was speaking to him about something serious, & normally he'll hold my gaze, but he barely even glanced at me! i then took my leave and sat in the service with my friend hannah montanna [no, it's not the real mylie cyrus]. my bassist was there! i was so excited for after the service, so i could talk to her! well, at the beginning of the sermon, i see on the projector that it reads "[my name] please come to the foyer". i found out that my sister had passed out; hit her head; and was getting ready to be taken by the ambulance to the closest hospital. yeah. so i left. i didn't even speak with soon-to-leave. i might catch a ride with the brothers tonight. my family will probably be occupied. oh gosh, i'll see if i can tell you of my tales tonight, but it may not be until tomorrow. no clue if the sis is going back to Newport or not.

"Times of general calamity and confusion create great minds. The purest ore is produced from the hottest furnace, and the brightest thunderbolt is elicited from the darkest storms."
[charles caleb colton]

~c. major

get togethers

a nice little time with some friends can be PERFECT, but only if done properly. i am afraid that i have not done so this night. i made the mistake of inviting two very nice looking young men over to my house while not knowing which one i preferred. no, neither is mr. wonderful, but one greatly resembles him. i feel so fickle! & i haven't the slightest idea why i am this way! i liked the same guy for over seven years, and for the last three, i hadn't even seen him! i kept waiting around for him, & he was three states away and had never even cared about me as anything more than a "schoolfriend". yes-- it sucked. but now i'm literally changing guys every week! mr. wonderful still takes priority though. i felt so horrible! the two that were here tonight were BROTHERS! i hear rooney's "i'm a terrible person, cause i'd led her [him] on" playing over and over again in my head. this is so unlike me! well, i spoke w/mizz dazzle and he said he could see me most with the one who would be leaving in january. second would be mr. wonderful and last is squeaky perfect. he understands where i'm coming from and we've been talking for a good while about it; up until he had to leave about an hour ago. neither of the handsome brothers expected me to be so close to mizz dazzle, but honestly that is what the theatre does to you. you don't mind being close to people; you're expectations change. i cuddled slightly with the soon-to-depart boy, but when I tried to be close to squeaky perfect, he moved away from me. numerous witnesses here tonight claim that he was really nervous and just couldn't sit still. soon-to-leave was extremely comfortable though, which was ironic since squeaky clean was the one who had been over previously. i am so confused right now. do i even know what i want? my mother is once more forcing me in the direction she feels is best, but i honestly feel that the one she prefers me most with, i will never truly be happy with. i really like mr. wonderful and want to get to know him more. sigh, maybe this all will make better since in the morning. perhaps i should just let it run its course. with any luck the brothers will decide amongst themselves tonight what is to happen in the future. never have i had this problem before!
i leave you with the words of the wise willow

"listen to your heart, and you will understand"

~c. major

a day at the mall

well, the beginning of today was spent completely and totally lackadaisically.
something HAD to change!
my sister offered a trip to chesterfield towne center. I didn't hesitate in my response... i kept thinking how great it would be to see my certain someone, who is now known as Mr. Wonderful. well, i DID see him! could there be a more lovely surprise? no. my sister also saw a past interest of mine, but all I cared about was my Mr. Wonderful~! [we didn't go in search of the hypocritical bastard; he was & still is a part of the past]
as for the shopping, i have discovered something. i have a grandma sweater fetish. I love them! Old Navy has a nice selection in scoop & v-neck. stop by at your local store if you have the chance. i favored heavily the one in red with the white & gray design.
charlotte russe has gotten in some really cute clothes for the season. they are lightweight: for those of you who get warm easily or live in places with higher temperatures. they do, however, also have some winter accessories. of this collection one specific scarf caught my eye. it was brown, with a single white and turquoise stripe on the bottom [warm and long].
on shoes: my latest on the wishlist is a pair of brown or black boots with stiletto heels. ok, that's if for now. will finish the saga tomorrow.

~c. major

first blog.

november 22, 2007
thanksgiving night


ok, here it is, my first blog.

so right now, I just finished the school play. I miss it so much! & miss a certain person as well! he's driving me crazy!
i did hair for the leading lady, as well as hair for 2 drunkards, and makeup for 3. i loved it. i'm used to only working in the band scene, so it was nice to learn more about the theatre.
i miss everyone so much though! especially that person of mine. i wont give out any specific information, since i know not who might be reading this. but he is a perfect fit for me, and i pray that it will work out...
so today marked the beginning of the holiday season! i am so happy! i love the holidays! i hope to begin decorating tomorrow. now commences the time of hot beverages, fireplaces, cold weather, winter accessories, and carols.
being a born-again Christian i also remember the reason behind the holidays, Christ's birth, the world's ultimate gift of salvation!
every year i tell myself that this will be the year! the year that i will have someone to spend the holidays with. to do all those cute couples activities around christmastime. will he help me achieve this long-term's wish?
i am planning to see my best friend, Dazzle Me, on Saturday along with some friends of mine from church. i love him so much & hope that his homosexuality will not affect how they feel about him. however, i doubt this will be a problem with two of them, for we have spoken of this sort of thing on previous occasion. the third, however, well, might feel a bit uncomfortable-- she hasn't been exposed to such things before. oh well, i miss dazzle me & cannot wait to speak with him again! [he knows my special someone as well ;D] something tells me it will be a loooooooong conversation...

well, that's it for now.
~c. major